#too saucy for Sonnett

[misskelley]

Too saucy not enough sonnet. Struggling with success.

sonnet just gave that way too much sauce 😩😩

[louie03]

Player of the match goes to this one - hands down! A player that was labelled a jack of all trades that doesn't always get the recognition she deserves. She put in a SHIFT!! Should have played earlier in the tournament tbh. Sonnett, Horan and Sullivan were a team tonight. So proud! We all know what a super star our Saucy blonde is! So glad everyone on here shares the Sonnett love too ❤️

[that-soccer-guru]

Bro, Sonnett/Sam also exists for some reason

Okay look here the only reason I would accept it is because their height difference is so fucking cute.

Sammy is too pure for this world and Sonnett's crackhead energy would not match there. Imagine Saucy Sonny and Panic Petunia? Oh no. Like, the tower of power has her moments but idk man. I don't like that. It's not as cursed as the Press/Sonny one but.... I don't like it

[jmd1027sd]

This is deteriorating quickly 😬

[void-argent]

she believes round 1

uswnt v czech republic

so i don't wanna be TOO critical because this is the first game back and this is a new group of players....

BUT

why were we running around like we forgot how to play soccer

it was like this was everyone's first game of their LIFE

why couldn't we finish? like AT ALL

our passes were...mostly ... ABYSMAL

and the communication seemed..not there?

vlatko sir... what have you done to them?

i honestly forgot half of them were even playing because it just seemed like the same 6 players were kicking around the ball

it was just so...cringe?.... disappointing?....not good?

however, there were some good things, albeit not as many as we hoped

BROONS 200TH CAP (LOVE THAT FOR HER)

captain kelley

casey 'brick wall' murphy

rose lavelle

kristie mewis

midge purce

emily 'saucy' sonnett

major props to the czech goal keeper...she said YOU SHALL NOT PASS

also....i miss the vets...but that's just a personal opinion

SEE YA NEXT ROUND

[13uswntimagines]

12 Drinks and a Kiss for Christmas (Sam Mewis x Reader)

Request:  uswnt x baby reader where their birthday is 3 days before Christmas and so the team tries to make it like extra special cause people usually just kind of ignore readers birthday. 

But @literaryhedgehog​ and i went slightly off the rails and had way too much fun making a drunk version of the 12 days of Christmas. 

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

“One shot of bourbon whiskey,” you sang, modifying the words as one of the most infuriating Christmas carols came over the radio. You didn’t hate Christmas, you just hated the fact that it swallowed the entire month of December like a black hole. Hell, it took up November too (minus the last Thursday reserved for Thanksgiving). The music was inescapable, and any event planned in the month risked being decorated with whatever leftover trees and red and green trinkets someone had laying around. 

Any child born in December was lucky if their wrapping paper wasn’t also holiday-themed. You should know- you had the misfortune of being born on the 22nd. 

“That sounds like a change I can get behind,” Sam said, sliding into the chair next to you. “Never really understood why someone would want a bunch of birds. I mean towards the end of the song the lover starts giving dancers and pipers, and like, I know that probably means they were hired for the day, but still. An alcohol-themed song seems more my style.”

You laughed, “Happy to help.”

You bumped her with your shoulder, smiling up at her. You were friends with most of the women on your new team, but Sam was one of your favorites. She got your sense of humor, a sort of dry and quiet sarcasm that was a bit subtle if someone didn’t know you. But despite how incredibly cuddly her tall frame was, she was also completely willing to spend an afternoon exchanging barbs under her breath as you watched the significantly less subtle flirting going on between Mal and Rose. You had bets on when the oblivious forward and midfielder would admit their feelings for each other. 

“Wait,” you paused in your thoughts, frowning up at her. “I thought everyone was already gone. I took my time in the locker room because I didn’t think anyone was still here.”

“The first van already left, but I didn’t want you to have to ride with Carli and Becky by yourself,” Sam said bumping you back. 

You smiled up at her, then leaned over to grab the shoulder strap of your bag, “Well I guess we shouldn’t make them wait any longer-”

“Oh no it's fine!” Sam said, quickly. “They needed to run to the store anyway to restock our Oreo supply, they promised to text when they got back.”

“But Dawn said no more Oreos until after the Friendlies are over,” you pouted.

“Well Dawn isn’t driving the van, is she? Thus why Carli and Becky waited to run to the store until after the first van left. So nothing to do while we wait except rewrite the words to the twelve  days of Christmas, right? What should replace two turtle doves?” 

“Body shots…?” You asked, squinting your eyes. At least that would fit the tune. 

“I like it… Kind of annoying how well that fits actually. Are we going to make the entire song about shots now?”

You tapped your chin in through, quirking your lips. “Hm, not a bad idea, but I think it would get a little repetitive,” 

“Fair point. Okay, so the next line is three French hens. Do we want to make it three French wines, or is that too easy?”

“I think that’s cheating just a touch,” You smiled, holding up fingers a centimeter apart. 

“Ugh, fine,” Sam rolled her eyes, though that didn’t disguise for one second the grin on her face, “three mulled wines.”

“I think that’s acceptable,” you nodded. It fit like a charm. “four gin and tonic?” 

“Then four martinis. Come on short stuff, calling birds, martinis, they have the same number of syllables!” Sam exclaimed, slapping your shoulder. 

“Whatever. Five Gin fizzes,” You huffed, pouting playfully. You didn’t like to lose. 

“Oh, yum. I have no idea what that is, but it sounds delicious. How long again until we’re allowed to drink?” Sam whined. You both knew that one of the costs of your career included swearing off alcohol at certain points of the year. Especially hard alcohols. Something about feeding your body good foods so it could give you even the slightest of edges. 

“Too long,” You deadpanned. 

“Sigh,” Sam said, pretending to be melodramatic.  

“We gotta use grey goose in the next one. You know. It’s like a spin on the gooses. Guises? Whatever the correct pronunciation is,” you waved your hand dismissively. This would be much more entertaining if you were soused. 

I’m

“GEESE, you heathen. You’re right though. Ummm. Six grey goose toddies?’

“A vodka toddie though?”You looked at her skeptically.  “I’d rather share Emily’s Budweiser,” 

“Fine, fine,” she pulled out her phone and started googling drink options, muttering to herself (for your amusement, presumably) about ‘perfectionists’ and ‘just because someone knows so much about vodka’. “Um. There's a drink called a sunset? Or we could just go basic bitch and say six grey goose cosmos?’

“Well sunsets are made with tequila so a cosmo is more appropriate,” You mumbled. 

“The grey goose website says that you can make a sunset with their vodka. See, look at this, right there!” 

“Poppycock. They just want you to spend money in their stuff instead of Don Julio,” 

“But tasty has a recipe too, look,” Sam said, whining slightly. You weren’t the only one who didn’t like losing. 

You moved your head, dodging the screen. If you didn’t see it, then it didn’t exist. If it worked with Jill Ellis then it would work for you. 

“Just LOOK you obstinate bulldog of a human being!” Sam was giggling as she grabbed you to try and hold her phone in your line of vision  

“You can’t make me,” In your haste to pull away, you leaned too far over the edge of the bench. Before you knew it you were tumbling off the bench, pulling Sam with you in your effort to not crash out on the locker room floor. 

“Fuck, are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” You groaned, looking up into the woman’s eyes. You never realized there was a thin golden ring around her pupil before it melted into blue or the smattering of light freckles that covered her cheeks. You weren’t sure if you were leaning into her, or if she was leaning into you. All you knew was that after a few seconds your lips were lightly touching hers. 

An annoying buzz broke the two of you out of your daze, Sam’s phone lighting up in your peripheral vision. You reached out and grabbed it, since her arm was currently trapped under you. 

Saucy Sonny- need an extra 5, you up for keeping her distracted with your flirting for that long? 

“Fuck, you probably shouldn’t be reading that. What’s it say?” Sam asked, as she extracted her arm and tried to reach around to take her phone. 

“You were flirting just to distract me?” 

“No! Sonnets just- I was just supposed to talk to you to keep you in here until the party was se- and I spoiled the surprise. fuck.”

“So Sonnett didn’t dare you to kiss me?” You asked with a very small voice. 

“No, but she has been teasing me about wanting to kiss you for the last two months. I didn’t mean to- I didn’t want to ruin our friendship if you didn’t have similar feelings.” Sam ruffled the hair at the back of her neck. “What a way to screw up your birthday. First the kiss then ruined the surprise party, and--” 

“I think we should definitely ruin our friendship,” You interrupted, smirking,  and nudging the woman’s chin with your nose. You reached around to intertwine your fingers. “And I promise to act surprised, as long as there are more kisses in it for me.”

[uswnt-owns-this-homo]

Babe- (Emily Sonnett x Reader)

(Little bit of background:

Reader lives in Orlando and plays for the Pride. She and Emily are usually the goofy ones of the team and are known as the wonder twins. The team is in Orlando for the upcoming SheBelieves Cup in this)

The girls had all come around and I was tired. So very tired. It had all started out as a little funny idea. Practice had been rough, Vlatko feeling out everyone and pushing you, trying to prepare an Olympics worthy team. Everyone had been a little scuffed up, leaving the field incredibly sore, hopped up on Advil and the thought that there would be an open day tomorrow.

    Which is how I’m in the situation I am currently in. Everyone's dancing, having a few drinks, overall not a terrible time. Except for one thing. Emily Fucking Sonnett has shown up 2 hours late, a, as much as I detest the idea, decidedly okay-looking women on her arm. Now, this normally would not be an issue. But, normally, you wouldn’t have a huge ass crush on your best friend, your partner in crime. Yeah, try to explain your irrational jealousy and overall bitchiness to Saucy Sonnett without letting that slip. I gag slightly as I see the girl, Ashley? Sam? I don’t fucking know, pat Emily’s cheek, slipping her other arm around the small girl’s waist. I’m not drunk enough for this shit. And with that thought I go for another drink, only to run into Mal.

   “Hey, y/n, I’ve been looking for you. How you holdin’ up, bruiser?”

Ah, the all too popular nickname your teammates had come up with.

  “Mal, that was one practice, and how was I supposed to know Ash was going to try and prank me??”

I reach around her for the rum I have stashed in my cabinet, grabbing it and getting the coke from the cooler. She rests her hand on my shoulder, giving me her patented mal-pugh-puppy dog-eyes.

  “Okay, but seriously, how are you, know it can’t be super easy,”

I wince and throw back half of my solo cup, looking into it and swirling the alcohol heavy drink around.

   “Well, I’m doing just fine, maly paly, how about yourself?”

She rolls her eyes and leads me into the living room, filled with our national teammates.I lean my head on her shoulder, trying to hold back semi angry, semi sad tears.

  “Man, I’m trying to help your ass, you gotta do something about this, we’ve all seen how y’all look at each other,”

I shake my head, scoffing.

  “Mal, she obviously doesn’t. She brought Brooke or whatever the fuck her name is, didn’t she?”

Mal just shakes her head, giving my head a pat and walking away to go find Rose or Emily or someone. I sit in my corner and nurse the rest of my drink, trying to avoid looking at Sonnett.

  Periodically people come over to talk to me, trying to convince me to go talk to Sonny. It’s not until Megan staggers over for the third time that I snap.

     “Dude! She obviously doesn’t like me like that! I thought she did but she doesn’t, she literally brought another girl to the party, and if that doesn’t spell, ‘hey don’t really like you y/n’ then I don’t know what does!”

I’m crying by the end of my small explosion, something any of the team rarely sees.

   “Okay, bruiser, we’re gonna get you some water, maybe some advil, and then we’re going to go talk this out with Rose, and then we’ll see how you feel, okay?”

In any other setting this would be comical. The small 5’6 Megan Rapinoe trying to coax a 6’2 goalkeeper somewhere. I just nod and let her lead me wherever she decides to go. 

   I end up in my bedroom, dressed in my boxers and a sports bra, with a bottle of water.

  “Okay, y/n Pinoe said I should talk to you cause’ you’re all depresso expresso bubs,”

I choke out a laugh, rubbing my face with my large hands and turning to face Rose.

   “Look, Sonny said not to tell you, but I’m tired of the both of you dancing around each other and being all up in denial, so… Sonny brought Tessa to try and move on I guess? I dunno her head works kinda weird. So, my semi plan is that we can all get up in a group, play some truth or dare, and then she picks truth, or you do, and then confess, and it’s a love story for the ages,”

I must still be drunk because that doesn’t seem like a half bad idea. I slowly nod before I get up, heading to the door. I glower at Rose as she grabs my arm.

  “Hey, don’t think any of us would complain, but you should probably like cover the abs, Sonny might just die if you don’t,”

   “Oh, huh, didn’t notice it I guess,”

I quickly put on a tank top, a palm tree with ‘suns out guns out’ printed on it.

Me and Rose both leave my room, heading to the living room where everyone is already sitting on the couches and chairs in a circle. Ash pipes up, grinning wildly.

  “Rosie Posie already told us we’re playing truth or dare, and must I say… Bring it BITCHES!!”

Everyone laughs and we have a small arm wrestling contest to see who goes first. Allysa groans as I slam her hand into the coffee table.

  “Okay, okay, Ali, truth or dare?”

 The game goes well until it’s Emily’s turn to ask and she turns to me.

“Y/n, Executive Frat Daddy Jr, truth or dare?”

Fuck, fuckity fuck fuck! Can’t risk truth, but dare is going to suck ass. Fuck! 

“I’mma go with dare, Son, let’s see what you can cook up,”

She sits with a pensive look on her face for a few moments, her hat slipping down for a moment before she pushes it up.

  “Okay, I’m going to give you a choice. You can either let the group call the person you’re interested in, ooorr… you can drink this the rest of this vodka,”

Oh no. this is a bad. A bery bad. 

  “Yeah, no way I’m letting these asshats call whoever, so I guess we’re chugging this bitch,”

Em whistles, her arm around the girl she brought. Why the fuck can’t I remember her name? I take the bottle, which is a little more than half way full, and twist off the cap.

  “Let this go down in history as the night that y/n y/l/n defied death!”

I nod at Ash, thanking her for her full support of my dumbassery.

  “Wait, if I’m draining this then lets raise the stakes. I’m completely confident in my ability to not vomit with this so, if I do, I’ll let y’all call my mystery person!”

Everyone cheers and I throw up a quick fist before I get to chugging. I get about ¾ of the way through my half and my stomach starts to roll. Aw hell nah, we are not calling Emily. No fucking way. I last a few more chugs, leaving about an inch or two at the bottom of the bottle before my stomach really starts to roll.

  “Oh fuck, she’s gonna barf!”

I run to my bathroom, clipping my foot on the coffee table, and sprawling myself on it.

  “Shit, shit, pick her up! Y/n, when the hell did ya’ get so heavy,”

I groan as they stand me up and help me to my kitchen sink. I get to it right as the half handle comes back up, along with everything else in my stomach.

  “God, that’s rank, remind me why you picked this Sonnett?”

  “Dude, I thought she could hold her liquor, or that she’d pick the other option!”

I groan as I finish retching. I stand up and sway lightly, trying to walk to my fridge to get some water. I take a swig and straighten up.

  “Okay, listen up bitches! Since I did a piss poor job at the dare, y’all are gonna call mystery person of interest,”

Everyone clambers to get to my phone, which I hand to Ali. She raises her eyebrows at me and I just nod. She dials Em’s number and puts it on speaker, setting it on the coffee table. 

  Em’s eyebrows furrow and she grabs her phone. Her face screws up a bit.

“Yeah, that’s real funny Ali, lets actually call the person now, kay?”

I just look at her.

“There you go. Now, I’m going to go lay down before I ruin any other relationships, I’ll catch y’all at team bonding tomorrow,”

I throw up a quick peace sign before I book it to my room, closing the door and sitting on my bed, peeling off my tank top and laying down before the tears start to leak out of my eyes. I hear someone at my door and huff.

  “I told y’all she didn’t feel like that, I’ve had a rough night, I’d like it if you’d leave me alone,”

Someone chuckles softly.

  “Well you didn’t tell me that I didn’t feel that way so I’m going to wager and say that I’m fine to come in?”

Oh shit. Of course it’s Sonny, I know better than to try and walk away from something that big. I quickly rub my eyes and nose, trying to smooth down my hair slightly before I go open the door.

  Emily’s eyes widen as she glances at my stomach.

 “Oh, whoops, Rose told me to put the shirt on, my bad”

I go to grab the shirt and she stops me, putting her arms around my waist.

  “Dude, I thought I made it obvious by coming up here that I’m interested in you as well, have been since college pretty much. And don’t worry about the shirt, I really don’t mind at all, hotstuff,”

I whip my head to look at her instead of the wall. 

  “Bitch wait. We will be coming back to hotstuff, but more importantly... You are not telling me that 1) you had a crush on dumb college nerd me and 2) we’ve wasted this much time? I would’ve killed to get your attention in college!”

She chuckles and shakes her head.

  “I guess we’re both dumb lesbians then… well, in that case, would you like to go out with me after the cup? I mean only if you want to, we can definitely go back to mutually pining.”

I shake my head.

  “Yeah, no, don’t think so. Well, since you’re already here, would you like to stay over so you don’t have to drive back to yours? Or I can drive you back, I don’t know how much you’ve had to drink, or I can sleep on the couch it’s totally fi-“

  “Dude, we’ve literally roomed together for every camp and tournament, I’d love to sleep over,”

I shrug and we both go about getting ready to sleep. I grab her a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that she left over for these exact occurrences. We both brush our teeth and then sink into my bed.

   I leave about a foot of space between us, not wanting to weird Emily out, but she just huffs, grabs my arms, and pulls me to where they wrap around her waist.

  “You gotta chill, we’ve been doing this for years, now we just get to enjoy it and know that we’re interested, okay?”

I nod and tighten my hold, thinking about all it’s taken to come here, and how good it feels now that we’ve sorted everything out. 

   I wake up to a mouthful of hair, which isn’t a new experience when waking up next to Emily “I shed more than a German Shepherd with a skin condition” Sonnett. There’s both a pounding in my head and at my door. I groan as the night comes back to me, tightening my hold on Emily’s waist. I try to gently move away from her, but only get the tightening of hands and a low, drawn out whine.

  “Fuck whoever decided to come and get you, I want to cuddle,”

I chuckle, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead and picking her up, carrying her bridal style to my front door and opening it.

  “Hello, this is the y/l/n household, how may we help you on this fine day?”

Ashlyn looks up from her phone and lets out an uncharacteristic squeal when she hears Emily.

  “Oh my god! Y’all totally fucked right? Who am I asking, of course you did! Well the whole team is waiting downstairs so maybe freshen up and don’t keep us waiting? Today’s a beach day and we’re all stuck waiting on your sorry asses,”

  She goes to rush downstairs, presumably to tell the whole team about Emily and I. I quickly grab her by the shoulder, promptly dumping Em on the ground.

  “Oh fuck, sorry babe, my b.”

  “Now, you, we did not, as you so crudely put it, ‘totally fucked’. Em stayed here last night after we figured some stuff out. So, go tell the team we’ll be down in like 10, thanks,”

She quickly nods as I help Emily up, lacing our hands as we go into my room. I quickly give her one of my hoodies, some shorts she’s left over, and a spare bathing suit she has left over as well. I let her shower in the master, going downstairs to shower and then change into a floral print shirt over a black bikini with swim shorts. By the time I get out of the shower, Emily is waiting in the living room, a small cooler packed with beer and water.

  “Thanks babe, we ready to go?”

Now, this term of endearment is not new. The blush that spreads over the usually pale cheeked Sonny is though.

  “Wait, are you really blushing over babe? I’ve called you babe since junior year of college Em! This is definitely going to be used to my advantage,”

She just shrugs and mumbles something.

“What was that emmy? Can’t hear you over the blush, babe”

She smiles and grabs my hand.

  “If you could hear, I said ‘you didn’t mean anything by it before, or at least I didn’t think you did, so yes I did blush over it,”

I feel a giant grin slip onto my face and I tuck her under my arm, both of us grabbing any last minute things and heading downstairs. 

  The team is all waiting on us and we quickly head to a little place in town to get some breakfast. We all pile into a corner booth, me and Emily squeezing into the corner. Ash and Pinoe are almost vibrating with excitement and Megan pretty much screams at us.

  “Okay, y’all are gonna tell us all the juicy deets about y’all doing the hanky panky last night, right?”

I start to crack up and Emily puts her hand on my shoulder. I gasp and motion for Emily to explain.

   “Well, after you crackheads left, I went upstairs to try and chat with bruiser here and she was crying and so she answered the door almost nude and then we established that we’re going to go out after the cup, and then we went to bed, and that’s it,”

  Ash and Pinoe both boo and the rest of the team just nods. I put my hand on Em’s hand under the table and she laces our fingers together. The waitress comes and we order food, eating it quickly and then heading to the beach for a fun day in the surf.

   It’s been two weeks since me and Emily officially got together and it’s been pretty great. The first game of the SheBelieves Cup is tomorrow and me and Emily are both lounging around my apartment, trying to mentally prepare. We’ve discussed coming out to the fans a quiet a bit and decided that if they ask, we’ll tell, but not until then. We’ve talked more and are now officially girlfriends, and we’ve gone out for breakfast almost everyday, driving to training together, and spending the evenings with each other or the rest of the team. The rest of the night goes by pretty quickly, Em and I playing some video games and watching last years semi-final game against England in the World Cup to prepare. We fall asleep at around 11:30 wrapped up tightly in my bed, Emily laying on top of my chest, my arms around her waist.

   Today’s the day. The first day of the cup, and my start for the USWNT in one of the most important games in the cup. Vlatko told me that I would be starting and I’m pretty sure my eyes popped out of my head. Emily is also starting, so we’ll get to play together. The team meets at the Exploria stadium and we all start to individually warm up. I have my airpods in and am in the middle of some volleys with AD when Emily runs up to me. I turn off the music and look at her, smiling at the small shine in her eye from her love of the game.

  “Okay, so, I had a grand idea, and Rosie Posie agrees, so does Ms. Kelley,” “Okay then, what’s the grand idea that has popped into your head, Ms. Sonny?”

She grins really big.

 “Well, someone mentioned that they need people for press after the game, and I may have volunteered us two, and then I thought, why not kill two metaphorical birds with a metaphorical anvil, or however that goes, and maybe we could tell people tonight?”

I laugh at her phrasing and go to hug her.

  “I mean, sure, Em! We’re both getting a start, we’re on home turf, why not? Let’s do it babe!”

She laughs and runs back to the defenders. I turn to AD and she grins at me.

  “I’m sure you know it, but, you break her heart and every one of them is going to ruin you,”

I chuckle.

  “Yeah, I know. The day I hurt her is the day they take out my ankles,”

We chat about AD’s fiance for a bit while we volley, and then the game is set to start.

  Me and Sonny stand beside each other for the anthem, our hands brushing as we stand facing the flag. The team gets into a quick huddle before the game, and everyone looks to me to do a pre-game pep talk.

  “Okay y’all, all I really have to say is let’s go out there, bring the boom, show them what team USA’s all about, eh? We got this, we did it in the world cup, we can do it again. Let’s do this!”

Everyone does our pre-game chant and we all take our positions. I slap Em on the shoulder as I go take my place in goal and she winks at me. 

   The games goes great. We win with two points over England, and no serious injuries. I mean, Toby did get a bit of a hair pull, but Chrissy took care of that. The team is back in the locker room, celebrating and getting ready for post-game stuff. Me and Sonny get a drink and then go to do press. We walk out of the tunnel and over to where they need us, taking a couple seats in front of the interviewer.

  “So, y/n, Emily, how does it feel to both start, in your guy’s home stadium?”

“Well it’s not really home yet, at least not quite for me, but it’s pretty amazing, we all played so well, and just had a really nice game,”

I nod along with what Emily said and smile as the interviewer turns to me.

  “What about you y/n? How do you feel about tonight?”

“Well, I didn’t have many shots on goal so I’d say it was pretty rad, uh, we all were really connected and on top of things, it was no easy game, for sure, but I think we just brought it,”

  “Now, fans have been speculating for years, and it’s fired up again in the past couple weeks, but are you dating anyone, y/n? They seem to have picked up on something!”

I glance at Emily and she nods, grinning.

  “I mean, yeah, I’ve recently started dating someone, so if they picked up on that, they must really be in tune with us,”

The interviewer leans in closer.

  “Any specific people, any specific things to say?”

“I guess I just want to say that she makes me really happy, and I’m glad I get to train with her and play with her almost everyday!”

I grab Emily’s hand and kiss it before placing it on the table, winking at the camera, thinking about how lucky I am and how glad I am that I threw up on my dare.

[equalpay4betterplay]

How Sonny celebrates her birthday:

She rolls over and open her eyes.

On her bedside table is a picture of Lindsey shoving Arod, to defend Sonny's honor

There's a bow and a note on it.

It's from Tobin.

She sits up, hugs the frame and sets it back down

She wanders down to her kitchen

There's a Waffle House buffet

With Beer

She's about to make herself a plate

BUT

Music starts blasting

The whole team comes out

DANCE CIRCLE

Saucy Sonnett came to play

Oh fuck, Carli can't dance

Like at all

Who cares? IT'S BIRTHDAY DAY!

PRESENTS

Aw how sweet

Crystal got her a dartboard with Jill's face on it

They hang it up and get distracted for a little bit

Oh. My. God.

AK got 4 bullseyes in a row

Experiment time.

They pull out a regular dartboard

AK can't even hit the board

Back to the Jill board

Bullseyes

Uuuummmmm

Back to gifts

KO got them matching Frat Daddy Sr. and Frat Daddy Jr. shirts

Sonny is NOT crying. At all.

Maybe a little.

Mal got her an avocado...thanks

Time for a friendly game of soccer

SONNETT THE STRIKER

Press serves her 3 assists

She's pretty sure Naeher is letting her score

But whatever, it's still fun

FUCK

KO just tackled the shit outta her

They knew they should've made Kelley the ref

She's too competitive for this

KELLEY YOU SLY FOX

She did it ON PURPOSE

Now they HAVE TO take a quick trip to Bailey the Medic

Gotta make sure the injury isn't serious, of course

Just a little bit of tape and a lot of bit of meaningful eye contact, and we're good to go

Dinner time

2 words

AVOCADO

TOAST

Lots of it

Ugh time to knock out for the night

Alex gives her some Nike brand silk PJs

Sonny shotguns a beer

And BAM

She's out like a light

[jenjones1]

Breaking News:

Police are asking victims across the globe to come forward after an international thief was exposed tonight. Emily Sonnett formerly of Portland Thorns FC, now at Orlando Pride has been identified by police as the culprit behind 100s if not 1000s of stolen hearts. Police confirmed that the hype woman of the USWNT, lactose tolerant, sit down comedian and Waffle House stan will be interviewed in relation to this. However sources say that many of those, that have had their hearts stolen by Saucy Sonnett seem reluctant to have them returned, with almost all stating, 'she is the love of their lives.'

A spokesperson for the Marietta PD, said they were not surprised by the recent development stating, 'Emily has been under suspicion of such activities since she was a toddler. I mean you've seen those pics right, the little cow girl, I mean its so precious, she's been working at this her whole life, she's good at it too. From what these victims have said, the hearts gone before they even noticed its happened. She permits them to bask in the beauty of her nature, she eases their worries but most of all and we believe this to be crucial, she brings a sense of hope in a time of absolute chaos.

We saw a huge influx in cases here after the laughter permitted podcast, the pregame with 2 of her team mates, Sam Mewis and Rose Lavelle(we're keen on touching base with both of them) and again with the Men in Blazers, live IG. We ask members of the public to remain vigilant and try not approach Sonnett if they see her in public, her soft smiles are said to have the ability to disarm even the coldest of hearts.'

[chaotic-woso]

Sonnett really taking her "saucy Sonny" nickname too seriously tonight

[pressy-23]

I’m really missing Saucy Sonnett right now. Portland’s defense is too shaky and we’re only 22 min in

[double--spaced]

sonnett? wtf

too saucy

[void-argent]

uswnt v nigeria (summer series pt 3)

bro this game was WILDIN

nigeria was beating us up a little out there

this ref was.... blind as FUCK

BOTH MEWIES STARTING LOVE THAT

um the nigerian gk was annoying the FUCK outta me because she was getting 'injured' every five minutes but somehow kept making saves?? it was garbage

CHRISTEN PRESS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT WAS AN AMAZING GOAL YOU DESERVE THE WORLD

pinoe and k. mew were FED UP with the ref and players SO WAS I

carli you had your chance the armband looks better on broon

my chaotic frat daddy jr emily 'saucy' sonnett love you and your confused 'i swear that was all ball what do you mean i got a yellow" face

the backline was SOLID but like it could be... more solid? nigeria got some shots in

cat did better today she got more time too

OMG LYNN THAT GOAL WAS AMAZING I GAVE YOU A STANDING OVATION IN MY LIVING ROOM

CHRISTEN SERVED THAT BALL TO LYNN SO ON POINT IT WAS *chefs kiss*

i... i miss julie ertz..... i miss her A LOT

I MISS TOBIN. I MISS TOBIN. TOBIN GET BETTER. THE TEAM NEEDS YOU TOBIN

ROSE GET BETTER TOO DOMT LOOK SO CONFUSED WHEN THE CAMERA SHOWS YOUR FACE

sad that lynn only got a few minutes but like DAMN she made em work... i think she might have waited too long to show this tho... the olympics are too close

congrats carli on the 300

in other news

we're gonna look like goddamn CLOWNS at the olympics in these kits

we're gonna get gold for WORST DRESSED (but also for winning)

i thought seeing queen christen wearing it and the team playing would change my opinion but i think i hate them EVEN MORE now

grateful for no alexi lalas but this other guy (not lori) was also TERRIBLE

again i nominate glennon doyle for sole commentator

all in all i thought this was a great lead up to the olympics definitely showed us what we need to work on

NEXT UP: OLYMPICS ROSTER AND SEND OFF SERIES

im still hanging by a thread. that thread being tobin making the olympic roster

JULY 1ST & 5TH BE THERE OR BE SQUARE

[that-soccer-guru]

They don't call her saucy Sonnett for nothing brah

Too much sauce? Two much sauce 🔥 (x)

Sonny was out there SNATCHING SOULS

[jmd1027sd]

Sonnett’s a little too saucy...